3d DCA Watch — Heads I Win, Tails You Lose Edition

Oh yes it’s our first post-election 3d DCA Watch, so let’s dispense with all the usual niceties and get right to it — there is a hunger across this nation, a desire for change, a demand that we live up to the ideals of this great country, yes we can 3d DCA yes we can!! (sorry got a little lost there)Ahem. So what exactly have our coffee-swilling Chosen Ones been up to this week —

Gold v. West Flagler:

Oh goody! I love a good improper-closing-arguments opinion. It’s literally like flipping a coin, that’s how loosey-goosey the standard can be. Let’s see who won the coin toss this time….

Alright, this one is your typical slip-and-fall. Here’s what defense counsel (Angones, McClure & Garcia) said in closing:

I’ve been doing this for almost 30 years now, and it invariably happens somebody falls down somewhere. They don’t know why they fell. They don’t know for sure where they fell. The investigator and the photographer go back to the scene of the accident. They go around and take pictures of everything they can find that looks bad.

Hold on, the defense lawyer is talking about himself, he’s saying all kinds of things about other cases not before the Court, what “they” invariably do, pictures of random dangerous objects, what the hail?Objection, your honor!Judge David C. Miller: overruled.Judgment for defendants.So what do you think?Here is Judge Cortinas explaining the affirmance in its totality and giving all of us ham-and-schleppers guidance for the next time at closing we have occasion to discuss our own personal experience as lawyers and what “they” always do in random other cases not before the jury:

We begin by finding that defense counsel’s statement was clearly improper and the court erred by not sustaining the objection. However, after reviewing the entire trial record, we find that such error was harmless, and therefore, is not a basis for reversal.

Oh well, better luck next coin flip!Anything else?

South Motor Co. v. Poltarack:

This is an appeal of an order certifying a DUTPA class against South Motors for alleged automobile leasing improprieties.Do I even have to tell you all what the 3d DCA did here?Dog bites man, people.

Kertesz v. The Spa Floral:

This is a godawful boring opinion that I note only because it features yet another Movember supporter and general good guy, Michael Ehrenstein.

Don’t forget, you can contribute all month to our charitable facial hair growth fundraiser right here.