3d DCA Watch — My Buns Have No Seeds Edition

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Hi kids, so I officially received my seventeen-thousandth email about the “sexting” controversy over at the Miami office of White & Case.

From Carvalho to the former Mayor of Detroit, how many times before canoodlers learn that your hand-held device is going to get you in trouble?

BTW, if you are still using that dinosaur blackberry and have not yet switched to the Palm Pre, you canoodlers need to upgrade your dating game hardware pronto.Well as always I’m excited because today is that glorious, sanctified day of the week, when the Lord Gods and Goddesses of the Concrete Bunker By The Highway emit their weekly written utterances, that day of all days when the resplendently robed ones swill coffee and exchange pleasantries with nervous lawyers by that ancient coffee machine in the ultra-hip 70s-era professional office/ante room/library waiting space.

Does that place remind anyone else of the reception area from the old Bob Newhart Show?

Anyways, it’s onward and forward to our patented 3d DCA Watch:

In re: Citrus Canker:

Get ready to be floored people, read and weep as you savor the full essence of this opinion:

Before WELLS, ROTHENBERG, and LAGOA, JJ.PER CURIAM.Affirmed.

WELLS and LAGOA, JJ., concur.

Pretty impressive, huh?Our work here is done.But wait — where’s Judge Rothenberg?Oh oh, dissent time:

Because the trial court’s order is in direct conflict with this Court’s 2006 mandate; section 73.071, Florida Statutes (2008), regarding eminent domain proceedings; Florida Rule of Civil Procedure 1.220(d), regarding class action certification; and relevant case law, I would reverse the order staying the proceedings and remand with directions to proceed with class certification forthwith.

Now hold on. Bobby Gilbert’s already sunk millions into this case, and the budget-stricken State of Florida has paid hundreds of thousands to Adorno lawyers to litigate this case to death.Why have a pointless class cert hearing now, pray tell:

While I believe rule 1.220 does allow for some discretion in the matter, I agree with the Department that the trial court abused its discretion because the certification (or non-certification) of the class in the Miami-Dade County citrus canker litigation distinctly differs from the class certification process in Broward County, the resolution of the Broward County case will not have any bearing on whether class counsel can meet the class certification requirements in the Miami-Dade County case, there has already been a protracted delay, and the stay issued is indefinite and excessive.

“Distinctly differs”? Really?

What exactly does Judge Rothenberg think is so “distinctly different”:

The class certification process not only tests the basic requirements of commonality and numerosity, it tests the adequacy of the class representatives and class counsel, which differ from, and are not dependent on, the rulings made by the Broward circuit court, the Fourth District Court of Appeal, or ultimately the Florida Supreme Court.

Ok, got it —

“Look…me and the McDonald’s people got this little misunderstanding. See, they’re McDonald’s…I’m McDowell’s. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds. “

Of course the homeowner needs be an adequate representative, I get that. But the threshold is not high and should not be very difficult to establish.And class counsel is the same, no? Is that really a sufficient reason to hold an evidentiary hearing?Does it really make sense to take up Adorno’s suggestion and have the state pay them more money to oppose class cert in Miami-Dade based on these flimsy grounds, where all the other issues are identical, even though the issues may become moot, may require a different result based on appellate rulings, may be reversed entirely, or may need to be retried from scratch?

Score one for common sense, folks.