So I hope to see you all tonight at the Ben Kuehne fundraiser.To enhance your chances of a successful meeting with your humble South Florida legal blogger, I offer the following tips:
1. As many of you know, I am on an intense diet. Thus, do not expect me to be chowing down on the many delectable eats that will be offered, unless they are serving oysters, ginseng, and vitamin E.
I am, however, likely to be hovering very near to the bar, perhaps indulging in the drink that certain flavored-vodka-lovers abhor. Be polite and offer me another.
2. It is true I am growing facial hair for charity this month. It has not been easy, but I shall not waver or be deterred in my cause. Simply lie and compliment me on my facial hair — to do or say more would be inappropriate and frankly would not be believable.
BTW, don’t forget to make a tax-deductible contribution to this worthwhile endeavor here.
3. This applies not just to me, but in any social situation. Put down your Crackberry. Trust me, you look like a schmuck standing around at a cocktail party fingering your little device instead of engaging someone in conversation. It’s not hard — go find Bob Josefsberg and ask him how he’s doing.
Problem solved!4. A related issue — don’t scan the room while talking to someone else. I know you want to pigeonhole that macher so you can brownnose your way to the top and you are instead stuck talking to that junior associate you have always hated, but stick with it fellas, and find a more polite way of moving on. 5. Try to be interesting. For many lawyers this is hard, but consider that what is fascinating to you might be incredibly dull to someone else. As a general rule this would mean you should avoid boring someone with:
a self-aggrandizing War Story;a lengthy retelling of how you managed to file that ridiculously long summary judgment motion in the nick of time being careful to include an itemized list of all the secretarial and paralegal errors you encountered along the way;any long descriptions of how only your child achieved something no other child in the world has ever achieved before; and, of course
any descriptions of your dreams.
Last but not least:6. Come to the party in a gold one-piece swimsuit, with beaded cornrows in your hair.Although if you are a male attorney it might not be best to break out this look for the first time at Ben’s event, I promise dear readers of all persuasions that such a getup will guarantee many interesting conversations and you will indeed meet your humble legal blogger rather quickly upon arrival.
See you all at Christabelle’s Quarter!