What’s Wrong With This Paralegal Assistant?

This has to be one of the stupidest moves a trial lawyer can make, right up there with the Joseph Rakofsky internet self-immolation:

A Chicago lawyer says his opponent in a small claims case is using an unfair tactic by sitting a buxom woman next to him at counsel’s table. Attorney Thomas Gooch says the woman’s sole purpose “is to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings” — a dispute over a used car. He asks Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to order the woman to sit in the gallery with other spectators.

In responding to the pretrial motion, attorney Dmitry N. Feofanov said the woman is his paralegal assistant and contends Gooch cites no “good faith legal argument” why she can’t sit at counsel’s table. Feofanov, who in the past has described himself as a “consumer protection lawyer,” asked Rivkin-Carothers to impose sanctions on Gooch for his motion.

This is like a comic asking management to remove a heckler!

It’s your job to deal with distractions in the courtroom, not by filing some bone-headed motion with no evidentiary basis whatsoever, but by stepping up your game and making your case even mildly interesting.

Have you tried humor, direct eye contact, calling witnesses that are worth paying attention to, introducing some sense of drama, tension, or anticipation — anything like that?

BTW,  I happen to really like the Jack Benny glasses, and the whole men’s dress shirt and jacket thing is a very nice touch.

Seriously, what kind of lawyer files a motion like this?